I'm so fucking centered right now
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
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