mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
