I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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