I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
