Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
They are going to name an STD after you.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
