My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
