This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
