you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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