I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
