he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
