I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
