my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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