honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
