Where did you get a picture of my penis
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I need a beard to bite.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
