This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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