based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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