dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
pop tarts are not kleenex
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk