the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.