my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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