I think my fart just growled at me.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
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There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
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I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet