Texts From Last Night

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  (308): View more from Nebraska

  I think i sorta joined a cult last night

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  (308): I think i sorta joined a cult last night http://tfl.nu/1gad
  Replies (6) Good night (2063) Bad night (1441)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga

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  (952): I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga http://tfl.nu/qw9z
  Replies (29) Good night (13548) Bad night (1204)
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  (714): View more from California

  He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher

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  (714): He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher http://tfl.nu/npc9
  Replies (21) Good night (1251) Bad night (6641)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to

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  (704): My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to http://tfl.nu/cyq1
  Replies (13) Good night (5004) Bad night (1198)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.

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  (808): He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that. http://tfl.nu/smq4
  Replies (6) Good night (2274) Bad night (1096)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.

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  (940): You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata. http://tfl.nu/mqsn
  Replies (3) Good night (3392) Bad night (832)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.

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  (303): high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me. http://tfl.nu/bsmu
  Replies (8) Good night (2664) Bad night (1086)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets

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  (505): I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets http://tfl.nu/m4mv
  Replies (7) Good night (2308) Bad night (975)
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  (+64): View more from New Zealand

  The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.

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  (+64): The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me. http://tfl.nu/8v6d
  Replies (1) Good night (1933) Bad night (727)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.

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  (410): Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win. http://tfl.nu/bzly
  Replies (9) Good night (1401) Bad night (430)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.

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  (207): If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too. http://tfl.nu/gosa
  Replies (0) Good night (472) Bad night (775)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.

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  (304): I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up. http://tfl.nu/80fv
  Replies (4) Good night (444) Bad night (329)
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  (949): View more from California

  I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley

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  (949): I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley http://tfl.nu/8av2
  Replies (1) Good night (298) Bad night (150)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will

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  (561): I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will http://tfl.nu/x78m
  Replies (0) Good night (291) Bad night (138)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.

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  (740): I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead. http://tfl.nu/fegw
  Replies (2) Good night (287) Bad night (87)

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