I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
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It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.