There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
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Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
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There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science