Texts From Last Night

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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!

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  (832): Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!! http://tfl.nu/7qkz
  Replies (21) Good night (747) Bad night (2459)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.

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  (716): Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it. http://tfl.nu/yc12
  Replies (22) Good night (2641) Bad night (1887)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.

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  (262): I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends. http://tfl.nu/1qj3
  Replies (39) Good night (1690) Bad night (4105)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?

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  (610): Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants? http://tfl.nu/1myu
  Replies (33) Good night (2129) Bad night (4666)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.

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  (479): Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody. http://tfl.nu/gh8f
  Replies (17) Good night (7387) Bad night (1158)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg

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  (423): my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg http://tfl.nu/cjr9
  Replies (65) Good night (18756) Bad night (1393)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.

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  (404): boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am. http://tfl.nu/8njg
  Replies (6) Good night (1171) Bad night (3349)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...

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  (321): I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised... http://tfl.nu/krhx
  Replies (14) Good night (5756) Bad night (1117)
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.

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  (778): Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper. http://tfl.nu/0up7
  Replies (17) Good night (3996) Bad night (1558)
• Favorite

  (61): View more from Australia

  I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY

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  (61): I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY http://tfl.nu/btxo
  Replies (1) Good night (1643) Bad night (782)
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.

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  (971): He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character. http://tfl.nu/w2hk
  Replies (8) Good night (977) Bad night (2306)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.

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  (610): We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body. http://tfl.nu/0qa6
  Replies (4) Good night (1117) Bad night (493)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?

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  (315): Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er? http://tfl.nu/auy8
  Replies (6) Good night (715) Bad night (649)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not

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  (309): Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not http://tfl.nu/hh6g
  Replies (0) Good night (277) Bad night (428)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.

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  (317): I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me. http://tfl.nu/crpx
  Replies (2) Good night (529) Bad night (147)

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