I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
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Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
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My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
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