It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
