She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
