didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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