Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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