we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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