I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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