The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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