i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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