i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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