nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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