You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
