Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
