Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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