I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Randomize
