The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
