Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
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I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
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all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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