I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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