I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
