i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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