Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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