I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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