Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Randomize
