im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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