Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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