Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
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No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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