dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
