she looked like the before picture.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
