i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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