dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he shaved USA in his pubs
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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