And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
