so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
