Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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