Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
