My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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