while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
