weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
