If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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