someone get that fucking seahorse.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
