Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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