remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
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i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
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I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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