Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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