Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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